Shopping Mall: The Game

Walking through the Watergardens Shopping Centre I realised: there's a video game in this.

You see, I normally don't go to shopping centres except when absolutely necessary but where I worked meant I had to walk through Watergardens to get to my office building. Hence, my profound and exquisite knowledge of the perils and pitfalls of shopping mall navigation.

So, a video game. I don't profess to be an expert on games—I think the last game I played was Doom on my old Play Station 1—but from what I can gather things like a goal, obstacles, levels and a world in which to do all these are key ingredients.The game, Shopping Mall (original, I know) would have those ingredients. It has the goals; shopping for different things. Some levels could be time-based; how quickly can you get in and out with the required purchase, for example.

Then there are the obstacles and challenges. Finding a car park is always a good challenge. Following that woman with the shopping trolley and hoping that she is leaving rather than just dumping her shopping before returning to get her nails done the colours of the Western Bulldogs. Grocery shopping with a three year old, who has a tantrum in the supermarket. How quickly can you get the little bugger to shut up? Of course, the kid could go missing, then you will lose precious minutes trying to find it. Or, even worse, you stop to look at a nice bowl at House, grab the kid's hand and proceed on your way. How many minutes go by before your realise that the kid you grabbed is not your own and yours is nowhere to be seen? Even worse if you are a male playing the game. Those kidnapping charges are going to be hard to live down.

Finish your assigned shopping task and you think you are heading down the home straight, but no! The level doesn't finish until you have actually driven out of the shopping centre car park, which is about the size of Luxembourg. So actually finding your car is the first hurdle to achieving shopping Nirvana—or at least the next level of the game. But finding your car is only the start of your epic journey to the exit. You actually have to find the exit. No shopping centre on earth is designed to assist you to leave, and so goes the game. There are the non-standard signs. I particularly like the one I saw reading “Slow Hump Ahead.” The anticipation alone that it meant exactly what your prurient mind is conjuring up is worth the inevitable disappointment; only in the game, you can never be quite sure...